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Dude Sturm
Dude Sturm (he/him) is a 2019-introduced and all around character. ---- Fact or Fiction?: Dude Sturm Written by Oma Boulos I’m back in business, baby! Did you miss me? Admit it; you totally missed me. We didn’t, but go off, I guess. After many a request from those lucky souls who’ve subscribed to the Just Right Patreon, I’m finally tackling a person you’ve all been eagerly waiting for. Holding a currently unbroken record for the most destiny swaps in a school year, he’s been the talk of the town as of late for securing a permanent destiny and generating a scandal all in one afternoon! You guessed it, lovelies! Today, we’re digging up the dirt on our very own Dude Sturm. My dear readers, this… is Fact or Fiction?, and today, we’ll be addressing every little thing about the prince that finally found his story. ---- All About Dude Personality: A Guide to Understanding a Local Sweetheart Well, he certainly is a dude. No offense, of course! Just… he is. You should still say sorry... :( Picture that nice guy in your favorite (or least favorite, if that floats your boat) class. You know the type! They’re always the ones with the bright smiles and extra school supplies, the ones who tear up a little if the class watches a sad movie, the ones who bring the teacher gifts because they ‘saw something that reminded me of you’, and they’re absolutely the ones with the uncanny ability to slip your mind until you see them next. They’re a constant fixture, and they mean more to you than you know, but you don’t really take notice of them until they’re gone. That’s who Dude is, at the end of the day. And we sure love him for it! You’d expect someone who’s been through so many destiny reassignments to give up after 2 years of the same old thing, but that’s what makes this guy so interesting! He hasn’t! A teacher in Dude’s Freedom Year, who asked to remain anonymous, described him as an ‘unbroken beacon of optimism’. No matter how many times he gets knocked down, he always finds a way to get back up and keep believing in a better future. In his very own words, that’s the Sturm way. The Sturm way isn’t just about hope though! It’s also about being as stubborn as a mule. Even the people who like his company the most admit that he’s too headstrong for his own good. If someone tells him he’s wrong or says something can’t be done, his response is to prove that they’re incorrect in every which way. It can be a little terrifying to be on the receiving end of one of Dude’s defiant glares if you’re not prepared, dear reader! Yeah, but he’s a big ole softie though. Hush, you! Don’t embarrass me, Connor!!! There’s more to a person than just tenacity though. You’re probably processing this and wondering when it’ll get juicy. Well, if you’re into care and affection, this dude is your guy! Remember that little example I gave you all before? Dude has said before that he cares about other people more than himself, something that’s no exaggeration! Damn right it isn’t. Hey! Arktophonos Pellen! Don’t cuss on my page! He’s always around to support people, even if the effort ends up affecting him poorly in the long run. Always being ready to compliment someone takes a lot out of a person, you know! You ought to be more considerate! His kindness isn’t born out of a need to feel superior either; you can tell from how happy he is to help people without expecting anything in return that it’s genuine. Maybe some people should take a page out of his book! This wouldn’t be a real article without some controversy though! Let’s just say that, despite his good nature, everyone isn’t too peachy keen on this particular prince. Some people say he’s entitled. They claim that a person of royal blood obtaining a peasant role is yet another example of how the elite rob the unfortunate of opportunities. Naturally, this argument handily sweeps over the fact that the Sturm family line has been in decline for generations. He’s a prince in title, but his very detractors are typically wealthier than the very boy they judge! Other people push the idea that he’s too much of a traditionalist. They say his obsession with destiny causes all of his problems in the first place. They even call him a blank slate, pointing out that he barely has a personality that doesn’t center around his destiny or other people in some way, shape, or form. And you know what? In the journalism world, we call that ‘pretty accurate’. But does that make Dude Sturm a bad person? Hell no. … Language. But thank you. We all have our struggles. It just so happens that his are all about his future. Rather than deride him for things quite literally beyond his control, people should applaud him for holding out so long! He’s more a role model than anything else! So, the next time you see that one nice guy, think about saying hello. It can be a bit lonely living your life as the sugary sweet prop in another person’s autobiographical play, you know! Take it from a darling like me. You just might make their day. Interests: How to Deal with Extended Free Time It’s a bit hard to pursue hobbies when you’re stuck in the competitive world of role applications. Once you hit your Legacy Year, it’s a bloody battle to the finish, one filled with uncertainty until the very moment you get the word PERMANENT stamped onto your file. It’s enough to drive anyone mad! Luckily, even though this list is painfully short, Dude does have some consistent interests. And, before we begin, no, the woodcarving thing really was a phase. Trust me, I know! Ugh, don’t remind me… You Would NOT Believe Your Eyes; This Is All Just Flowers, Guys Have you ever seen the kids who work tirelessly in the school gardens? If you’ve ever seen a puffball of hair bobbing up and down that belongs to a hunched over back, you probably saw Dude without even noticing it! Some people feel at peace when they’re around nature, and he’s a happy member of their ranks! Dude is a firm believer in the value of hard work, something that carries over to his botanical interests. He pours hour after hour into making sure a section of the school looks pretty each day. It’s certainly commendable! At least, it would be if he wasn’t so empty. Don’t think you can’t enjoy the flowers for yourself though! If you ask nicely, he’ll happily make you a flower crown, free of charge, with the blossoms of your choice. He’ll even tell you all about the flowers you like if you let him! … Pro tip: pass if you have somewhere to be. One last thing he’s known for is pressing flowers. He has a pretty impressive collection actually! Ask him about it if you get the chance! Or don’t. I’m not the boss of you. The Domestic Life Many hobbies and interests have waxed and waned, but Dude’s passion for chores has remained the same this whole time. He says himself that he likes the rhythm of each act. Cleaning, cooking, baking: you name it, he likes it! Fascinatingly enough, if you listen closely, you can actually hear him sing while tidying up places! What? The poor boy is probably oblivious to the bad habit, but he’s actually quite soothing to listen to! WHAT?!? Sure, he’s a bit out of tune, but with a little practice, he’ll be serenading souls in no time! Let’s cheer him on, my lovely readers! Appearance: …? More like Dissonance! Okay, shut the fudge up for once, Oma. Ariel?!? What are you doing? This is my blog, darn it! You heard me. Shut! Up! You’re terrible at describing this stuff! All you do is talk about how hot these people are. Can you give it a rest already? No one wants to read your thirst posts. Hey! This is a serious article! Honey, you’re a gossip columnist. Please get over yourself. You know what? Fine. If you think you can do a better job, go ahead! See if I care! Aw, thanks. I was planning on it. I hear a lot of people talk smack about how Dude Sturm looks. I hear a lot of things actually, though not as much as the moron who runs this stupid blog of course. I’m sure you can guess what sort of things get spread by the rumor mill. Well, just know that all of these people spout a whole lot of codswallop with their precious few brain cells. I, being the smartest guy alive, will gladly correct each and every one of their stupid remarks. The one thing they get right is that Dude is short. He’s tiny. Sure, his boots add, like, 2 inches, but he’s still 4’11. Yeah, you heard me. 4’11. As Paris would say, ‘so basically, he’s baby’. He doesn’t feel short though. You know those jokes where short people are like full of unholy rage? That’s not exactly the full picture here. It’s less that he throws his weight around and more that he just feels tall. The pigheadedness (ugh, that makes me think of my roommate) really helps add some spiritual height. Okay, what else is there? Dude’s not super hairy. That’s a plus, depending on who you ask. Like me. One of his old roles left him with scarred up legs, but I kinda doubt he cares more about them. Pretty sure all he owns is shorts. (More on that later.) Speaking of legs, his look really soft! It’s probably the pudginess. Some guys get all the luck, and others get all the baby fat. I’d probably punch someone who tried to squish my cheeks, but he’s far nicer than me so maybe you’ll be good to go! Now. I know what you’re thinking. ‘Ariel, what’s his best feature?’ It’s the eyes, hands down. Bright yellow eyes on anyone are pretty wicked, but they pair with his skin super well! The dark tones help them stand out. Plus, for those of you who thrive off of visible happiness, they’re always really expressive. What else is there? Shoot. Oh! Right! His hair! It’s very thick and textured. He wears it natural - good for him. Some might call it poofy even. It’s a dark brown, the kind that you can only see properly in the sun. All in all, add in a nice smile and you have a very cute boy on your hands! Is that all, Ariel? Are you done? Nah, I still have to do your fashion stuff for you. UGH. Fashion Heh. My city now. Here’s how this is all going to work. I, being me, have impeccable taste. Other people are very hit or miss for me. So, I’m going to describe a person’s typical outfit, make some suggestions of my own, and then give a handy dandy rating. Got it? Good! First off, in a totally lame move, the guy always flaunts his necklace around. I mean, I get it. I sympathize even! That’s not a thing I usually do! But it also makes you come off as hella desperate. Maybe tone it down. You can still wear it, but try putting it under your shirt for once. It won’t kill you. Loving the beige tones! Just kidding! Have you heard of any other colors? Plus, there’s all the ash and dirt splatters. The clothes are secondhand anyway, but come on. I’d think they were intentional if I didn’t know any better. Up your game! The shorts just match the tops, but at least they’re comfortable and practical. No complaints here beyond expanding your color palette. Get a clue. Okay, okay, I know he wears that wreath sometimes. Sure, it adds a little pop of color, but it’s depressing! Lilies and pink carnations? Who died? At least the earrings work for him. You can’t really go wrong with the little diamond studs look. I live by that. And the boots really do help height wise. They’re clearly for work, but they somehow fit his look against all odds. He should probably invest in newer stuff. You have assets, Dude! Use them! You can balance practicality with style any day of the week. Try some t-shirts in pastel colors, and purchase shorts to match. The flower crown idea is a good one, but maybe go for more vibrant colors… and nicer meanings. And buy some sneakers for once, gosh. Final rating? 3 out of 5. You’ll get there someday, buddy. Ariel out! A Look Into His Tale Phew, he’s gone. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Jeez! Ariel, get off my doc! This is so unprofessional! And yet who is more popular? … Point taken. So long as you’re here, would you like to help me out? I thought you’d never ask. He’s the next Bearskin, right? No? He’s the next wife of Bearskin. Oh, shoot, yeah! I forgot Ark is a thing still. What a pain. Anyway, what a terrible story. Not gonna lie, it’s way better than mine, but at least my siblings don’t die in the end. You’re an only child. And? It’s tragic! Agreed. Did you know that Dude never comments on that part? Even though the other Sturm triplets are very open about hating the story with every fiber of their being? Huh. That’s weird. 50 bucks he’s in denial. That’s a sucker’s bet and you know it. Dude gets the nice role of promising to marry a hideous man, mourning him for 3 years without pause, and then wedding him once his deal with a demon runs its course. Of course, his brothers die, but what’s a little blood for your happily ever after, right? Please tell me you’re being sarcastic. Obviously. Who wouldn’t be cringing at the thought? I already wrote about Callisto’s feelings on her own death a while ago, but I can’t imagine how Dude feels about that. Hopefully horrible. The more I think about it, the more grossed out I get. Hey, let’s not be too judgmental here. My role’s not too pretty either. We all do what we can. Not to be a walking cliché, but… Just say no, people. It’s not that hard. … I get your point. Let’s wrap up here. What do you think, dear reader? Send me an email with your thoughts! Quit being cheesy. You’re going to make me barf. This is an electronic conversation. Still! Relationships: AKA What You’re Here to Read Anyway That’s the most accurate title you’ve ever done. Got any torrid love affairs? Maybe a few. You’ll have to stay tuned and see the transcripts for yourself! Boo! You’re no fun. Gerard and Preston Sturm (⅔ of the triplet set) If you’ve paid a lick of attention, you already know that Dude’s relationship with these too isn’t peachy in the slightest. I asked both of them for an interview, but both declined to comment. Gerard mentioned he’d rather die than talk about the black sheep of the family. Preston said something to that effect, but with better vocabulary. Well, that’s a bit anticlimactic. Where’s the drama? I’m getting to that. Just be patient! Arktophonos ‘Ark’ Pellen (secret lover?) Ooo! I like the sound of this already. I don’t. Neither do I. If there’s anyone I can get information out of, it’s Ark. Turns out he really likes interviews! Like he...ck I do! Nah, he probably just likes the sound of his own voice. Touché. Still, I managed to get quite a lot out of him! Take a look! Me: Hey, Ark! Ark: And who the fudge are you? M: Uh. Oma Boulos? Can we talk about Dude? A: Him? Why? M: ‘Cause I feel like it. And you’re probably too curious about what I’ll ask to do much more than glare and whine. Am I wrong? A: Look. You probably think you’re super duper clever or something, and I just want you to know that you’re not. This better not be a waste of my time. I have a schedule to stick to, you know. M: I promise it’ll be-'' '''A:' You have five minutes, moron. M: What’s your relationship like with him? There’s a lot of rumors about it. A: Can’t really help you there. We’re not dating or fooling around and we’re definitely not friends. He’s just a nag. M: How do you feel about the permanent assignment? A: It’s silly. He still won’t give me my gosh darn ring back! M: Did you protest the decision? A: Eh. Not really. Or much, I guess. Could be worse, but I want my stuff back already. M: Did you ever try just taking it away from him? Surely you’re stronger! A: ‘Course I did. Little boy kicked me in the shins just for lunging for it. He doesn’t put up with anyone’s nonsense, especially mine. M: laugh Good to know! Say, what do you like most about him? A: … Dude’s nice to my little sis. She’s always happy to see him. That’s what matters to me. M: Are they very close? A: I wouldn’t say that, but he hangs out with her a lot. Probably because he doesn’t have any other friends. M: What do you think about those rumors that Dude has no personality outside of his assigned destiny? A: They probably haven’t met him. He’s annoying enough on his own. M: Okay. Final question: are you two secretly dating? A: splutter What. M: There are rumors that you and Dude have a deep, romantic relationship. Would you care to confirm or deny those rumors? A: What are you on? What part of ‘annoying’ do you not get? Why would I ever date him? M: So you’re saying there’s no chance for you two? A: Read my lips. There isn’t. M: Alright! Well, if you ever change your mind, this’ll all be on record and I’ll be sure to gloat about it. Bye! A: Oi-! I immediately sprinted off, a little too afraid of getting hit with those meaty fists. Ark appears to be very adamant about the fact that he doesn’t care an ounce about Dude. What do you think, Ariel? Trouble in paradise? The weather forecast says there’s heavy showers of denial moving in, Oma. My bet is that he probably thinks he’s cute at the very least, but due to inherent density and perhaps a bit of fear, he’d rather distance himself altogether than acknowledge it. Still, though, don’t get weird about shipping them or something. Ew! No! I just like investigating the rumor; it’s super funny, isn’t it? Haha, yeah, it is. What do you think, dear reader? Vote below! Do you think the secret relationship rumors are true? Yes Absolutely not No, but they’re pining Why does this dumb poll exist anyway Callisto Pellen (friend) Oh, isn’t this the bear? Ariel, you can’t go around calling people bears. I think a lot of people would disagree with you. … That was too funny. Why aren’t you this funny all the time? I hate you so much. Love you too. But, seriously, isn’t this Ark’s sister? The bear one? As opposed to the nonexistent rabbit one? Yeah. … Right. Anyway, I talked to her a bit about their friendship! It was very sweet. Get on with it. I want to get a cavity. Me: Callisto! Callisto Pellen! May I speak to you? Callisto: Are you asking me about my brother again?!? M: No, this is about Dude. C: Aw. Okay. Sure! M: How do you feel about him? C: He’s one of the only people I like here. He treats me like a person, and not just a bear or Ark’s sister. M: Really? That’s sweet of him. C: It’s not ‘sweet’. It’s common courtesy. Dude has a good heart. That means a lot more to me nowadays. M: Do you think he’s weak? C: No. I told you before! Being self-sufficient is the mark of a man, according to Daddy. Dude doesn’t need anyone to do anything for him. He makes his own rules. M: Do you ever think about the fact that you’ll be essentially dying for him? C: I don’t mind. I used to worry that my end wouldn’t be worth it if Ark didn’t like his future spouse, but Dude’s so kind and strong. They’re good for each other. If I have to die for someone, I’m happy to die for them both. M: Has Dude ever talked to you about it? C: He doesn’t like to think about it. I’m okay with it, but I understand if others aren’t. It’s better when my friends are happy! M: Agreed! C: We have enough fun without worrying about stuff like that. He taught me how to make flower crowns, you know. M: So you’ve told me! If you could say one thing to him, what would it be? C: Smile for yourself every once in a while. It’s okay to feel happy on your own. M: Thank you so much! C: No prob. Bye! Her fondness for Dude is clear. She thinks of him as strong and kind, a notion that everyone can’t seem to agree on. How very lovely! You exaggerated the whole sweetness thing again, but you can tell she really cares for him. Kinda makes me wish I had a heart. Please don’t be edgy on my blog. Connor Tully (friend) Okay, let me guess! Love triangle. You NEED to stop watching romance movies with your roommate. But they upset him so much! Still. You’re incorrigible! That’s my charm, baby. Doubt that ‘charm’ would work on this tough cookie. But, somehow, these two have an accord! … I’m sticking to the love triangle idea. It’ll be funnier than any interview you do. Oh, go put a sock in it. Me: Hey, Mister Tully. Connor: I told you. Call me Connor. Is this about Ark again? M: Nope! I’m curious about your thoughts on Dude. C: Oh. Okay. What do you want to know? M: Are you friends? C: Uh… I think so. I hope so anyway. M: Hope so? Are you not sure? C: Ah, well… I’d like to be. But I’m unsure if he’d feel the same way. I’m a jerk, you know. Callisto’s a much better friend for him. M: You know, people are allowed to have multiple friends. C: I get that. Doesn’t mean they should go for bad people. M: … I won’t overstep any further on this, but I’m sure he doesn’t see you that way. C: Feh. Keep going. M: Does Dude ever boss you around? C: laugh Of course. Pretty sure that’s a universal constant. M: Do you mind it? C: Sometimes. It’s not so bad because I know he cares. M: Do you like him? C: Romantically? Nah. He’s not my type. Too short. M: laugh Good to know! C: But platonically? Sure. When he’s not being all uptight, he’s fun to be around. M: Do you think he likes Ark? C: God, I doubt it. I really, really doubt it. Maybe someday. M: Would you support that? C: … Eh. I’m friends with Dude, but I’m bros with Ark. It really depends on how both feel about it. Anything else? M: Hm… No, I think I’m good! Thank you! C: Uh huh. Insecurities and all, this interview was very fascinating! Each person’s feelings for Dude differ in such subtle ways, but Connor’s view stood out to me the most. It almost makes me want to write an article… Hey! You promised I was next! I know, I know… Lilith ‘Lily’ Schicksal (friend? or enemy?) Not to sound like an amateur, but this one was a bit weird. Ariel, do you believe in fate? Uh… duh. This is a destiny school. Forget I asked. Lily: You’re late. Me: Huh? How am I late? L: You were supposed to be here earlier, dingus! I’ve been waiting for you. M: But I never told you to be here. L: You didn’t have to. M: Ooookay. Question number 1! What-'' '''L, in a deadpan:' Dude and I are rivals for Ark’s heart. M: Really? L: snort Absolutely not. I already won that little round before he even knew the game was on. M: Alright. So, how do you-'' '''L:' He’s irritating. I don’t know why anyone puts up with him; if you want to talk to a bore, go talk to the headmaster. M: Do you-'' '''L:' Agree with what people say about him? Yeah. I mean, he’s not entitled, but he’s really stuck in the Stone Age. Try growing up, grandpa. M: Are you going to-'' '''L:' Interrupt you during each question? Nah. Just felt like it. M: huff Okay. Is this about the hell thing? L: Maybe. Anyway, Dude and I don’t get along, I think he’s selfish, and I wouldn’t bother reading his fortune ‘cause he gets on my nerves. If he wants something, he should take it. There, interview over. M: But-'' '''L:' Toodles. She refused to answer any questions. I can’t tell if it was actual animosity or just how she treats her friends. I think taking her word at face value isn’t the best, considering her own admission that there’s no real guarantee that she tells the truth during these talks. If I were her, I wouldn’t tell the truth either. You’re annoying. Wow! Thanks, Ariel! Glad to know you’re always supportive! You’ll never take me alive. Valdis ‘Val’ Schicksal (pet project?) Once, I spoke to her and got stuck in a philosophical debate. It was pretty neat. Don’t you hate that sort of thing? Oh, yeah, definitely, but the dissonance between her appearance and her words? Perfect. I love being a reporter! That’s a bit generous, darling. Hey! On with the show! Hmph. Fine. Me: Nice to see you again, Val! Val: Hi… I don’t feel the same. M: Ouch. laugh Well, I won’t take up too much of your time. How do you feel about Dude Sturm? V: Oh. Him… What an odd choice. M: How so? V: He wasn’t meant to be here… Not originally. I don’t know what happened, but it feels so wrong. M: Is he nice to you? V: It’s in his nature to be. But he tries too hard. M: Hm? What do you mean? V: He worries. There’s the good part of him and then there’s the fear. He’s just too close to being like me. You can’t give yourself away all the time. It’s so sad… sniffle And so pathetic. Dude’s painfully human. M: So you think that’s a bad thing? V: I know it’s a bad thing. It’s why we’re so good at what we do. M: Are you optimistic about the future of your story now that Dude has been placed within it? V: I’ve never been optimistic a day in my life. She fled after that. It was all very unusual. At least her opinion on human nature is consistent! I don’t think any word in that mess was reassuring. I’m just trying to look on the bright side of things! Like Dude! … Sure. I can roll with that. Oh, before I forget, why did you label Val as ‘pet project?’ Well, it kinda sounded to me like maybe he tries very hard to fix her sadness. So! Pet project! That’s a pretty malicious assumption… Just saying! What else am I meant to call it? Friend? Acquaintance? Something that doesn’t sound manipulative? Aw, that’s too much hassle. Let’s just agree to disagree! Ginger Breadhouse (friendly acquaintance) Ginger was too busy for a formal interview, but I managed to gather that they get along pretty well! They’re not close, but they’ve bonded over a love of baking. Now, isn’t that cute? Huh? Oh, sorry, I was too busy laughing over her name. It’s so funny. Ariel, you shouldn’t go around mocking people’s names! Ginger Breadhouse is a respectable person! Say it out loud. … Ah. Exactly. That wasn’t very nice… Who’s next? Oh. He has an interview… I’ll just skip that section then. Hopefully no one cusses. Providence Rolfe (former best friend) By Blondie Lockes’ just right decree, this section is protected from vandalism. I promised you something juicy, didn’t I? Well, here it is! The Holy Grail of drama! Well, shit. I heard about this! It was real? As real as I am, my friend. Fuck. Did you really have to ask her? How else would I get the truth? Sometimes, Oma? I worry about you. Don’t go and get yourself hurt for some story. Awww… Ariel, you care about me? Meh. Just get on with it. Okay! Here we go! Providence and Dude used to be great friends back in their Freedom Year. They bonded over being students without a legacy. Providence entered the school via a scholarship, and Dude, along with his brothers, were extended an invitation by a rich Charming family. Apparently, they were discussing a marriage deal, but none of the Sturms fit the criteria they wanted. The two of them, being of similar stock, became friends right away! Or so we thought. When Dude was permanently assigned, there was… an incident. No one really knows what started the fight, or even all the details of said fight, but it ended with Dude’s nose being broken and Providence getting suspended for a week. Even now, Dude’s nose is more squashed than before. Most people have been too intimidated to bring it up again, but I went to talk to Providence to see their side of the story! Take a look, dear reader! Providence: Hey, are you the gossip girl? Me: Um. No. I’m a reporter. P: Okay, you’re definitely the gossip girl. People warned me about you. I’m Providence. M: Oma. Can I talk to you about someone? Dude Sturm? P: Sure. I guess you want to know how I feel about him? M: Please. P: He’s a stupid fucking bastard and he deserves every single thing he’s got coming to him. M: See, that’s what I don’t get. Weren’t you friends? What caused this sudden change? P: Friends? Don’t insult me. We were never friends. M: Still. Why are you so antagonistic towards him? P: Have you ever wanted something so much that you thought you might die if you never got it? And you trusted that someone else wouldn’t take it from you? And then they did?!? That’s why I hate him so much. M: You… You wanted the role he got. P: Don’t kid yourself. Who wouldn’t? That was my big shot. It’s a Grimm story! It’s prestigious! Dude always just waited around for an assignment, but I took initiative! It was about to be a done deal! But, no. Dude finds the ring and Dude has the two brothers and Dude farts fucking rainbows. He stole it from me. He even had the gall to be happy about it! M: What happened next? P: I argued with him. ‘M not proud to admit this, but… I begged even. I just wanted him to let me have a chance at it. M: And he said no. P: He sure did. We screamed at each other back and forth until I finally had enough and punched him. Some of the teachers dragged me off of him before I could keep going. M: Do you regret it? P: Not really. He’s fake. He definitely deserved it. M: If you could say one thing to him, what would it be? P: I’d tell him to get a life. He sure as hell needs one. M: Alright, that’s all. Thank you for your time! P: No problem. Good luck with whatever it is you do. Wow. You could do a handy little piece of social commentary about this! Too bad neither of us are nerds, huh? Perish the thought. That being said, what do you think? Do you agree with Providence? Or do you think this is all a horrible misunderstanding? I know how I’d vote; let’s see what the public thinks! Is Providence Rolfe’s reaction justified? Yes No To Conclude Ariel! Do you want to do this part? Woah. Really? You’ll let me finish us out? Take it away, buddy. Alright. Well, Dude’s a cool guy, I guess. That one incident is probably the most intense thing he’s ever been involved in, if I had to guess. He doesn’t have street cred. He definitely doesn’t look cool either. But he has a ‘glowing disposition’ or something like that. I don’t mind him at all, and I don’t really get all the vitriol. Well said! That’s all we have time for though. I’m approaching my deadline. Cool. I’m Ariel Rucker. You sure are. … Oma, we need to end with our names. Oh! Yeah, you’re right. I’m Oma Boulos! Thank you from both of us for reading this unintentionally special edition of Fact or Fiction?! Live fast and eat grass, guys. What? No. Have a great day, everyone! Comments JustRightOfficial says: Your pleas have been heard! From now on, Ariel Rucker will be writing the fashion sections of every Fact or Fiction? article! Sadly, he refuses to write them in their entirety often. Stay tuned for continued collaboration between Oma and Ariel! DarudeSandsturm replied to JustRightOfficial: That’s very nice, but could you maybe cut out the profanity? JustRightOfficial replied to DarudeSandturm: My apologies! All of our articles are targeted towards a teen audience; we only bar explicit bigotry like slurs. Sorry for the inconvenience. 24TarotMagic replied to JustRightOfficial: Translation: don’t like, don’t read. DarudeSandsturm replied to 24TarotMagic: :( ---- … … … … ... ... ... ... ... … From: Milton Grimm ' '''To: Dude Sturm ' '''Subject: Destiny Assignment From: Dude Sturm ' '''To: Milton Grimm ' '''Subject: Re: Destiny Assignment ~ From: Oma Boulos ' '''To: Blondie Lockes ' '''Subject: Next FF Article - Dude Sturm From: Blondie Lockes ' '''To: Oma Boulos ' '''Subject: Re: Next FF Article - Dude Sturm From: Oma Boulos ' '''To: Blondie Lockes ' '''Subject: Re: Next FF Article - Dude Sturm ~ From: Milton Grimm ' '''To: Dude Sturm ' '''Subject: Destiny Assignment Revoked From: Dude Sturm ' '''To: Milton Grimm ' '''Subject: Re: Destiny Assignment Revoked ~ From: Milton Grimm To: Dude Sturm ''' '''Subject: New Destiny Assignment From: Dude Sturm ' '''To: Milton Grimm ' '''Subject: Re: New Destiny Assignment ~ From: Blondie Lockes ' '''To: Oma Boulos ' '''Subject: Quit It From: Oma Boulos ' '''To: Blondie Lockes ' '''Subject: Re: Quit It From: Blondie Lockes ' '''To: Oma Boulos ' '''Subject: Re: Quit It From: Oma Boulos ' '''To: Blondie Lockes ' '''Subject: Re: Quit It ~ From: Milton Grimm ' '''To: Dude Sturm ' '''Subject: Destiny Assignment Revoked From: Dude Sturm ' '''To: Milton Grimm ' '''Subject: Re: Destiny Assignment Revoked ~ From: Milton Grimm ' '''To: Dude Sturm ' '''Subject: New Destiny Assignment From: Dude Sturm ' '''To: Milton Grimm ' '''Subject: Re: New Destiny Assignment ~ From: Providence Rolfe ' '''To: Dude Sturm ' '''Subject: Heard About the Destiny Thing From: Dude Sturm ' '''To: Providence Rolfe ' '''Subject: Re: Heard About the Destiny Thing ~ From: Baba Yaga ' '''To: Dude Sturm ' '''Subject: Office Meeting ~ From: Oma Boulos ' '''To: Blondie Lockes ' '''Subject: :) From: Blondie Lockes ' '''To: Oma Boulos ' '''Subject: Re: :) From: Oma Boulos ' '''To: Blondie Lockes ' '''Subject: Re: :) ---- … … … … ... ... ... ... ... … Welcome back… to Rumor Has It. This clearly isn’t your first time using my service. Are you here for fact checking or a more in depth dissection of a person? FACT CHECKING What fact would you like to check? Keep in mind that I only prove or disprove gossip; if you’re looking for homework help, try Google. Please enter relevant keywords. DUDE STURM SCANDAL Would you like to read about the destiny scandal involving Dude Sturm? YES Thank you. The report on it will be loading shortly. SEARCHING… SCANNING… RETRIEVING… Would you like to fact check any other topics? YES What would you like to learn more about? SCHICKSAL PELLEN BREAKUP Would you like to read about the breakup involving Ark Pellen and Lily Schicksal? YES Interesting. Thank you. The report on that will be loading in just a moment. SEARCHING… SCANNING… RETRIEVING… Would you like to view a page? Keep in mind that I’m not Wikipedia; the only files here are on current Ever After High students. YES Who would you like an in depth dissection on? DUDE STURM Wow! He sure is popular today. His page will be loading shortly. SEARCHING… SCANNING… RETRIEVING… Would you like to read another page? NO Have a nice day, and thank you for visiting Rumor Has It. Come again. Category:Characters Category:Males Category:Royals Category:Nyx's OCs Category:Bearskin Category:Gay Category:German